The First Two Chapters of a Story Intended to be Read

“The Most Talented Man in the World Meets the Most Interesting Man in the World and, After an Awkward Power Struggle That Neither of Them Would Later Acknowledge, They Join Forces to Defeat the Most Scheming Man in the World”

By Daniel Goble

July 30, 2010

Chapter 1, The Meeting

None of you know this, but there was a man who lived in the past century who was the most talented man the world had ever seen. He will be known in this account as “The Most Talented Man in the World.” I know none of you know about this man because I just made him up this morning, after my last breakfast with Graciela and Jennifer and Hilary. Right now, I’m sitting in a McDonald’s in Quito with free WiFi and writing a story about three men of action, three men of bold action whose bold steps, by a twist of providence or fate, would converge one unforgettably hot and sticky Amazon day in 1957. In order of goodness to badness, they were The Most Talented Man in the World, The Most Interesting Man in the World (of recent Dos Equis notoriety), and The Most Scheming Man in the World. To give you all an idea of exactly how much of the qualities of goodness, talent, and interesting-ness each of these men had, I include the following picture which I will draw in “Paint,” since I don’t have a scanner handy:

LEGEND: T= THE MOST TALENTED MAN IN THE WORLD

I= THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD

S= THE MOST SCHEMING MAN IN THE WORLD

As you may have deduced from his name, The Most Scheming Man in the World was more bad, or “evil,” than good. And the Most Talented Man in the World, since he happened to be mostly good, naturally did not like this particular quality of the Most Scheming Man in the World. So he decided to stop him.

But before I delve into this plot, I must lay the “groundwork,” which is an architectural term often applied to stories, since most houses and stories have a structure that goes more or less like this:

Born in the middle of a blizzard on the top of Jungfrau-Joch, Switzerland in 1930, The Most Talented Man in the World made his first millions (of francs) when most people were just trying to put their lives back together. He won all six of Switzerland’s gold medals in the 1948 St. Moritz Olympics, sweeping the three downhill events as well as the Nordic combined, the Skeleton, and Ski Jumping. He used the proceeds from the ensuing endorsements and advertisements to form a darn-near monopoly on French and Swiss ski resorts and establish his own financial firm and an international charity organization. At the age of twenty, having made his fortune, he purchased and restored a 1720s Rococo villa overlooking the Lac D’Annecy in the French Alps—the lake whose restoration into Europe’s cleanest lake he would oversee two decades later. In 1953, he married the diva Francesca Aurman and settled into a rather itinerant routine as a visiting scholar and neurosurgeon at prestigious universities and medical centers, chessmaster, advisor to various governmental and international agencies, and chairman of an assortment of banks, monetary funds, trade cooperatives, and the International Olympic Committee. Parenthetically, The Most Talented Man in the World also played a central role in the peaceful transition of Egypt, Indonesia, and possibly Taiwan into self-governing states. It was during one of his trips to Egypt, in early 1953, that he met Most Interesting Man in the World—which forms the true beginning of this story.

The Most Talented Man in the World was early, as was his custom, to a summit of British and Egyptian leaders in the midst of the Valley of the Kings, and had just decided to give himself a tour of the archeological sites, since of course he read most known types of hieroglyphs fluently. The Most Interesting Man in the World had just finished discovering another vault off of King Tut’s tomb, and was rounding a corner just outside the vault when he collided with The Most Talented Man in the World.

“Excuse me, señor,” The Most Interesting Man in the World said.

“It’s quite alright… you look like you’re in a bit of a hurry.”

“Actually, yes, I’m in danger of forfeiting the Handball World Championships—my match is in just one hour and it took me nearly two to get here. I guess I’ll have to test the limits of my Lamborghini!”

“By all means, please take your leave—your name, by the way?”

“The Most Interesting Man in the World,” called The Most Interesting Man in the World over his shoulder as he bolted towards his automobile.

“Hmm. Interesting name,” The Most Talented Man in the World mumbled to himself as he gazed after the retreating figure. “I shouldn’t be surprised if we run into each other again very soon.”

Chapter 2, The Decision

The prescience of The Most Talented Man in the World was of course on point. The next day, the two ran into each other again, this time at the foot of the Sphinx.

“We meet again—The Most Interesting Man in the World, correct? How did the match turn out?”

“It was a tough one—I broke my little finger against the damn wall halfway through the first set and had to play the rest of the match with nine fingers. But I finally wore him down: 16-21, 21-20, 11-7.”

“Congratulations—by the way, I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself yesterday. My name is The Most Talented Man in the World.”

“Is that right?” responded The Most Interesting Man in the World with incredulity sweeping across his face. “How’d you come by that nickname? My name give you an idea yesterday?”

“Actually, no, I earned it, several years ago in fact. The nation of Switzerland had my name permanently and irreversibly changed—I had no say in the matter. But unlike some people, I don’t like to brag, like about how I won that same championship when I was seventeen… or even how I’ve won more Olympic gold medals that all of Latin American in every Olympic Games to date.”

The brown eyes of Most Interesting Man in the World narrowed, making up the four inches he lacked in height with a gaze that would melt steel. His nostrils flared as if caught by the conflagration of his emotion, and he bit his lip until blood squirted onto the pressed white shirt of The Most Talented Man in the World. Still, neither of them moved, nor did they speak as minute upon minute ticked by.

The calm blue eyes of The Most Talented Man in the World masked his deliberations: Had he stepped too far? Had he underestimated this man’s ability to appreciate a well-conceived jab? Was this the kind of man who could engage in repartee, or was he a mere jock with a child’s penchant for archeology? In a word, was he really that interesting? And was he about to blow his top? These were the questions that hung in the balance as The Most Interesting and The Most Talented Men in the World stood locked in a grim staring contest, mentally debating their next moves.

After a wait that far outstripped the confines of awkwardness, The Most Interesting Man in the World cleared his throat of all its dried blood and spoke.

“I can see you are worthy of your title. But speaking as an expert on the subject, your pride makes you much less interesting than you could otherwise be.”

A wry grin stole across the face of The Most Interesting Person in the World. “Touché. You know what, I think we’re going to get along after all.”

And that is how the extraordinary partnership of these extraordinary two men was formed.